Tension
by OhMyRaito
Summary: Two businesses, two men, one night of passion...Watch as Naruto attempts to persuade Sasuke to have more wild sweaty mansex with him, Itachi tries everything possible to screw with his brother's head and Sasuke tries to withold the urge to cry in a corner
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto. Shocker.

* * *

Silk sheets clung to entangled limbs, sticky with sweat and other bodily fluids. Warm breath ghosted over pale skin, causing a shiver to race through the pale body and goosebumps to spring up, contradicting the warmth of the room. A tanned arm was slung over his chest and an uncomfortable dampness resided on his inner thigh. He sighed, shifted and winced as the blankets rustled, sounding too loud in the contented atmosphere. Reaching over to his trouser pocket, he pulled out a slim black phone and pressed the green button.

" What?" His voice was gravely, from overuse or sleep, he wasn't sure. He leant up a little more in the bed, his back quietly protesting the action, the arm that didn't belong to him falling down to his lap. His bedmate frowned, murmured something, and then turned over onto his side.

" Sasu-chan! I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Itachi's voice sung over the phone, and Sasuke's body stiffened in a conditioned reflex to his brother's voice.

" Itachi. It's 3.42 am. _Yes, _you damn well interrupted something! My sleep!" He kept his voice low, eyes watching the back of…Sasuke wracked his brain. He was _sure _he knew the name of the man in his bed. He wasn't that much of a –

" Man slag!" Sasuke blinked and tried not to be creeped out by the fact Itachi had just finished his thought. _He can not read minds, he can not read minds, he can not read minds, he can __**not. **_It was too late. The seed of doubt was planted. Sasuke just had to test this out. _Nipples! _His brother carried on normally, and Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief. " You're with someone, aren't you? You got laid last night!"

" You sound too overjoyed." Sasuke's voice was flat.

" So? Who is she? Do you love her?" There was an over-dramatic pause. " Did she follow you from America? How romantic!"

" Stop reading Jackie Collins." Sasuke sighed, shifted onto his side and placed the phone in the crook of his neck. The chill of the sheets felt good against his skin, and he bit down a sigh. That would only add fuel to Itachi's fire. A callused foot unconsciously rubbed up against his calf and Sasuke almost jumped from the cold touch. Trying to keep the shock from his voice and shifting his body a little further away from the blond companion, he continued, " What do you want, aniki?"

" So harsh. So cruel." There was an over-dramatic sob. " You don't love me, do you?" There was silence for a few beats. " Sob! Woe! Angst!" There was another pause. " Oh, join in my emoting, Sasuke! You have the perfect face for it! You even ooze misery and deep, dark secrets!" Sasuke stuck his tongue out at the phone and crossed his eyes. A tired Sasuke is not a mature Sasuke. " Well. That's just plain _mean._" Sasuke jumped and looked around for the cameras. _Damn Itachi..!_ His brother's voice suddenly became business-like, and Sasuke rolled his eyes, used to the almost schizophrenic change in moods, his eyes still scanning the room for convenient hiding places for cameras... " The documents on Rasengan should be coming through soon. Memorise the key players. I want you to be an integral part of this merger, Sasuke. No slacking off."

" Got it." There was a small beep as they both disconnected, and a scatter as the phone hit the floorboards and rattled across them. Sasuke threw the covers off, wincing as some of them thwapped the blonde bedmate in the face. He watched in muted fascination as the blond's nose twitched, and a large hand came up to rub it, before his features relaxed again. _Cute…_Ridding his mind of these thoughts, the young man walked over to the fax machine in his office, pulling a silk robe around him as he went. His feet padded on the cold hardwood floors, and he cursed the heating for not being on. A harsh, electronic nose suddenly grated through the almost satin silence of the flat. Sasuke sighed, entered his study and blinked as a harsh green light from the fax machine glared at him almost evilly. Sasuke glared back. The machine surrendered the piece of paper, and the Uchiha smirked, victorious. The machine started up again, with an even more obnoxious sound than before. Sasuke flinched. He could've sworn the machine winked at him.

With the attitude of an angry child whose alphabet was conspiring against him, Sasuke stared at the sheet. Then blinked. A smiling, blond man smiled back at him, three whiskers on each cheek. Sasuke blinked again. His shoulders slumped, though he'd never admit it, and his head tilted forward just a little bit. " Oh, _fuck_."

* * *

A screech cut through the warm harmony of the bustling business, cutting conversations short and halting fingers in their destination to a keyboard. A pant heaved itself out of the blond's body as he picked himself up from his untimely skid across the lobby floor. Damnit! "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late…!" Naruto paused down a hallway for a moment to admire his uncanny likeness to the White Rabbit, before sprinting off again. He was already fifteen minutes late and – he heaved a sigh of relief as his office doors greeted him from the end of the corridor – if he knew _anything_, he knew that he was in for the beating of a lifetime from – BOMF.

" Sakura-chaaaan…! That hurt!" The pink-haired secretary stood with hands on her hips, an angry frown marring her pretty features.

" Naruto, you moronic idiot of a CEO. You're late!" She pointed her finger at him accusingly, and Naruto would have rolled his eyes, were it not for his entirely rational fear of the Finger of Righteousness. No, really. That thing could, and would, have his eye out if he wasn't careful. Sakura was a take-no-prisoners kind of girl, and Naruto was all too aware of this.

" I'm sorry! I am, I am! But the damn traffic was really bad and the driver didn't pick me up properly and, okay, so it was 'cause I wasn't in the right place, and couldn't give him directions, 'cause I didn't have a clue where I was, _but _that was because the bastard I slept with last night completely screwed me over, and I don't mean in the nice way, although that happened too, and, oh, Sakura, when I tell you what he did with his tongue…." There was a pause where Naruto's eyes glazed over and Sakura tapped her foot with impatience, before the blond continued. The threat of imminent death always seemed to awaken him from the lust-induced moments. " Anyway, he left me at his apartment, and I didn't know where the hell I was and he had just scarpered, so I was well and truly up shit creek without a paddle, and, well, it took me a while to locate my clothes too, so…"

At this point Sakura's entire body was almost vibrating with irritation. With a low growl, she started bodily pushing the blond towards two glass doors further down the hall. " He had the weirdest hair too, Sakura, but his face was the prettiest thing I've ever seen…Well, what I saw of it anyway. I was kind of drunk. And it was kind of dark in the club. The alley too. And the taxi. Ooh, I wonder if that taxi driver can get that stain out of his seat…" The blond nibbled his lip anxiously.

Sakura knocked on the glass door, and sighed. Really. She was too used to these kinds of mornings. She should get a medal. Or some kind of bonus. Like a raise. Or maybe some hot, muscled man to give her a back massage whenever she desired. Hmm…

There was an answering 'come in' from the conference room inside, and Sakura, with the practised air of having done this a thousand times before, managed to place Naruto in his seat, while he was silently ruminating over his fantastic lay last night. A couple of Naruto's staff sitting around the table hid smirks or smiles behind hands or reports. Naruto blinked as the exposed flesh of his forearm collided with the chill steel of his office chair, and he slowly returned to reality. He smiled, scanned the room, and came to rest on the reason for the early morning meeting. Rising from his chair, he smiled at Itachi Uchiha, his soon-to-be partner of the most powerful transnational company in Japan. Itachi did the same, and they both bowed, lowering their heads only enough to be respectful. Neither would let themselves look submissive in anything, not in this affair.

" It's a pleasure to have you here, Uchiha-san." Naruto's voice was warm, as was his smile.

A small smile was returned, though it seemed more of an obligatory twitch of the lips than anything with real emotion behind it. " A pleasure to be here, Uzumaki-san. Unfortunately, pressing business overseas will soon draw me away, so I would like to introduce you to my brother. He'll be handling the merging of our companies from our side. Sasuke, introduce yourself."

Naruto, only slightly unsettled by this change of events, looked to where the elder Uchiha's gaze was directed. And tried desperately not to choke on air. Long legs unfolded from the chair – _pale legs wrapped their way around his waist, creating more friction and dragging gasps from both mouths that were quickly, greedily swallowed – _and arms covered by a well tailored, yet obviously American, black suit jacket left their pose on his chest to dangle at his slim waist – _strong arms linked behind his neck, lips tilted up, asking for a kiss, which Naruto eagerly granted. _Dark grey eyes met startled blue ones, and the message was clear – 'tell anyone, you die'. The pale man bowed his head in respect, and Naruto followed quickly, trying to get rid of thoughts of where that bent head had been last night. He coughed. Looking up, he smiled weakly. " H-hello. Nice to meet you."

Sasuke looked off to the side, and nodded. " You too."

Itachi looked between the two. The head of Rasengan looked positively shocked to the core and his little brother was…was…was he _blushing?! _Now, Itachi wasn't called a genius for nothing. When presented with facts, he could draw a logical conclusion as easily as he could draw stickmen. Which was pretty damn good. Itachi had mad skillz when it came to stickmen. The facts – his brother had arrived at Chidori early, a slight limp in his step which he'd blamed on a rabid, stray dog, and a bruise on his neck that he claimed he'd created himself when slapping away a mosquito. Uzumaki-san was wearing a rumpled suit, bed hair and the 'just got laid' look as easily as some model who'd had hours spent on perfecting the look. Or a prostitute, who really had just got laid. Plus, there was the obvious sexual tension between the two. It was almost palatable.

Smirking evilly, for there was nothing, truly _nothing, _that Itachi enjoyed more than screwing up his darling brother's life, Itachi announced as simply as stating the fact that the sky was blue, " You screwed my little brother."

Sasuke choked on air and Naruto turned bright red. Several eyes focused on the two and a PA from Chidori hurriedly ran forward with a glass of water for Sasuke. " Here, Uchiha-sama." The young man sat down and gulped his drink down quickly. Uzumaki-san, Itachi was pleased to note, was guiltily avoiding all of his co-workers eyes, especially an angrily fuming rosette. Inside, Itachi was cackling. Outside, his entire façade was solemn.

" I hope your intentions are honourable." Itachi restrained the urge to clap with glee as Sasuke choked on the water this time. Shooting his brother an evil glare, Sasuke gracefully got up from his place and, without meeting Naruto's eyes, announced that he and his brother needed to talk some matters over.

Naruto was left to face the wrath of Rasengan and Chidori employees alone.

* * *

" Itachi, just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Sasuke hissed, his eyes livid as he turned to face his obviously amused brother.

Said obviously amused brother shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, a fake contemplative look on his face. " Just, please, tell me you weren't bottom."

" Of course I wasn't!"

There was a long, awkward pause. Then a long, exhaled sigh and an amused, mock disappointed tone. " Oh, Sasuke…"

" Shuttup!" There was a fierce blush on Sasuke's face now, and he cursed Allah, Kami, God and Buddha in one big collective breath. Itachi let out a low whistle.

" Shouldn't have done that. Karma's a bitch, you know."

" Well, screw karma too!"

" For all I know you might have. Why don't you tell me about these things, Sasu-chan? Am I too old? Am I not pretty enough? Jealousy?" Itachi pouted, fluttered his eyelashes. " It's okay, you'll never be as pretty as me but, with a lot of work, we can - "

A reply was forced out between gritted teeth. " Itachi. We are going to go back in there. You are going to apologise. And I am going to perform this task in the strictest of professional manners. Understood?"

Itachi smirked at the expression on his younger brother's face, and the clenched fists by his side. " Haai..! Who knew you could be so dominating? Shame Uzumaki-chan in there never got to see that side of you, eh?" Chuckling, the elder Uchiha slid into the conference room, effectively ruining Sasuke's chance at retorting.

Itachi clapped his hands, smiled without any real warmth, and said, " Okay. Well, now that's sorted, if we could get down to business. No, not your kind of business, Sasuke, Uzumaki-san…"

* * *

Naruto sank onto a stool in Ichiraku's, sighed deeply, and buried his head in his arms. He groaned. Well, hell, if that hadn't been the most embarrassing day of his life, he'd don a pink tutu and sing 'I'm a Little Teapot' while dancing to the Macarena. After Sasuke (and Naruto tried desperately to remember the name and not just the face, not just that one night where the brunet had been all his) and his brother had left the room, Naruto had to fend off loud exclamations from Sakura, a knowing smirk from Neji and a muttered 'troublesome' from Shikamaru. And if that hadn't been enough, the personnel from Chidori had done their best to try to glare him to death for daring to 'corrupt Uchiha-sama' which Naruto thought was damn laughable, really. Also there had been a rather questionable 'Yosh! Sasuke-sama is finally enjoying the Springtime of Youth!', though Naruto was willing to put this down to some weird kind of hallucination or blip in reality. Surely no one would really…?

He sighed again, ordered miso ramen from Amane, and glared at the request report from Chidori. Ramen first, business later and Sasuke…well…Sasuke never, maybe, judging by the cold air he had radiated the entire meeting.

* * *

Cold glass cooled Sasuke's warm skin, fresh from the shower. The lights of the city below stared into his room and Sasuke felt strangely comforted by them. He imagined letting go, free falling into orange, red and yellow lights that burnt in the darkness, then shook his head. A drop of moisture ran down his cheek.

_Naruto Uzumaki._

He looked a lot better in daylight, Sasuke noted. He still exuded that raw power and easy warmth, still had the same chiselled body and blue eyes. However, it wasn't enough to make up for the fact that he _outed _him to his _brother._ Sasuke sighed, and frowned as his breath made a cloud on the dark windowpane. As if Itachi's off-colour jokes the entire meeting weren't bad enough, Sasuke had then had to put up with puppy-dog eyes from the blond idiot who was obviously asking for forgiveness. If he hadn't been so damn obvious…Sasuke sighed, and shook his head. It was in the past now.

He reached over to his vibrating phone and clicked to view the message. Itachi, he noted. _Put some clothes on and stop moping, you big gay brother of mine._ Sasuke hissed, his head turning rapidly and his eyes scanning every object, everywhere. Where the hell were those damn cameras?!

* * *

A/N: Sorry, just needed to get this out. It's a touch shorter than the rest...should be, and it only set the scene to a certain extent. But...if I didn't put this up here, there's some doubt as to whether I'd actually bother writing it. It should get better as we go on. Sexual inunendoes...here we come...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing to do with Naruto. The only thing I own is the questionable, slightly clichéd plot that's really only workable in Jack Collins-esque books and fanfiction. Or, Mills and Boons. Anyone heard of them?

* * *

Sakura leant back against Naruto's door, face flushed and shoulders heaving, a file of papers clutched in her hands. Naruto raised his eyebrows, pausing in his work. She lifted up a hand and shook her head, motioning for him to ignore her for the moment. He did so. A light tap on the head with something heavy and soft made him blink a few minutes later, and refocus on the pink-haired girl in front of him. She was more composed now, a slight smile on her lips, with eyes that clearly said they wished the smile wasn't there. She opened her mouth to speak, but Naruto beat her there. 

" Something happen, Sakura?" He leant back, a grin wide on his lips, his arms linked behind his head.

She looked to the side, blushing slightly. " W-well…you know when you're walking down the corridor, and you see someone walking towards you from the other end? And you both start adjusting where you're walking so that you don't bump into each other, but for some reason you keep mirroring each other's actions and then when you meet in the middle you kind of laugh and blush and walk on?"

Naruto scrunched his face up. " Yes….".

" Well…I was doing that with this green…_thing_, but instead of walking past each other at the middle, he grabbed me, swung me around a bit and cheered about the Beauty of Love and Youth and how we must Grasp Life By The Horns!" Sakura was panting now, the stress of reliving the apparent nightmare obviously too much for her poor, fragile soul.

Naruto frowned, and leaned forwards. " You mean…with the capital letters and all?" His eyes were almost slits as he pondered what this could mean. Two reality blips in as many days? Improbable. Inconceivable. Utter pish-posh.

" With the capitals and all!" Sakura's voice was near hysterical and Naruto's eyes widened suddenly. A hysterical Sakura was twice more likely to pull out the Finger of Righteousness! He knew this! He had put his business degree to good use and created spreadsheets and scatter graphs and _everything_ based on meticulous data he had Neji collect for him! He leant forward suddenly, his face serious. " For my secretarial mind, it was too much! I almost felt the need to tell him to spell-check and to revise his grammar rules! Capital letters _do not _go in the middle of a sentence!" She panted, the exertion causing the folder of papers to flop lazily on Naruto's desk.

" Hmm...A green blip in reality who knows no grammar rules and has a fetish for youth." The blond was nibbling his bottom lip, a sure sign he was either hungry or thinking. Sakura waited with bated breath. With Naruto, you never knew. " The answer is obvious, Sakura-chan. It's a time-travelling leprechaun with a fetish for emphasis."

There was silence in the office.

Sakura studied her boss. Tall, muscled, blond and handsome, he sat in his plush business chair as though it was an armchair with a half-read book on the side. Sunlight streamed through the window behind him, illuminating natural highlights and warming the side of Sakura's face. He was, without a doubt, a beautiful, kind man, and it was due largely in part to him that Rasengan was such a friendly and successful business. One of the most powerful men in the business world, and he had just said with complete sincerity that there was 'a time-travelling leprechaun with a fetish for emphasis' on the loose around his building.

Sometimes Sakura despaired.

He stared back at her with the solemn air of a minister at a funeral for someone he never knew and she resisted the urge to waggle her Finger at him. Instead, she said wearily, " Uchiha-sama should be arriving in fifteen minutes. He's ready to discuss the compromises. He also wants more details on our sales records, he said. I've put Neji on it, but Tenten joined him, so..." She trailed off.

Naruto brightened. " Right-o! Just go down there and tell them to steer clear of the cameras, would you? I'm still paying for the last security guard's counselling." In a ruminating tone, " Who knew they could do so much with a slinky and a paperclip..."

Sakura cleared her throat, the sound reprimandingly female in the overly masculine room. " After that, you have a lunch appointment with Sai, a meeting with Neji and a few others of the research team at 1:45. Shikamaru would like to talk to you about the design team, and a new potential employee and product. I scheduled that for 3, as some of the research team like to waffle on a touch. Anyway, after that you have some reports from a factory in Uganda. Apparently there's been a minor rebellion and some of the workers were killed, whilst others trashed some of the equipment."

" I thought we chose the most politically stable countries?" Naruto frowned, the news not pleasing him. He leant back in the chair and crossed his ankles, a blue biro flicking between his fingers.

" We did, but...I'm not entirely sure, Naruto. I'll gather some more information whilst you're with Uchiha-sama, and give you the file to read on your way to Wakanama."

" That's where I'm meeting Sai, is it?" His eyes were focussed somewhere else, and Sakura deduced that he was probably still thinking about the Uganda fiasco. Truthfully, she didn't mind all that much. She would rather Rasengan relocate more of its factories back to Japan, as almost all the large factories these days were in other countries. Japan's industrial workforce had to move with the factories in some cases, meaning whole homes and families were uprooted for a tiny bit more profit for the big companies. Sakura frowned, and watched as Naruto started balancing the pen on his upper lip, eyes crossed as he tried to watch it. She sighed, and nodded.

" Get the manager of the Uganda factory on the phone for 4, would you, please? I'd like all the information present and correct by then. Thank you, Sakura, you can send Sasuke in now. He's been standing outside the door for five minutes now." Naruto said carelessly, attempting to grasp the pen with his tongue now.

She gasped and hurried to the smoked glass doors, hauling them open and gasping again when smoky grey eyes met hers, irritation sparking. " Uzumaki-san will see you now, Uchiha-sama." The tall man 'hn'ed and strode into the room. She heard 'Sasuke, baby!' and a low, muttered '_dobe_' before the doors eased shut with a small _pff_ and all sound was cut off. She sighed, and pulled up several memo templates, her fingers flying across the keyboard. She'd eavesdrop another day, Naruto was clearly feeling business-like this morning.

* * *

In the office there was an expectant silence, the kind of silence that people got when waiting for a girl to jump out of a cake wearing tassels. Sasuke was not comfortable with this silence. The way Naruto was looking at him, he just knew tassels weren't the farthest things from the blond's mind. 

There weren't many things that scared Sasuke Uchiha. He was big, he was strong, and if any spider came anywhere near him, a Death Glare usually scared them six ways to hell. But nipple tassels? Now that was the kind of thing that sent a shiver of pure fear down his spine.

So, to distract himself from the lightly blushing blond, he glanced around the room. Cherrywood desk, state-of-the-art computer, big ass TV in the left wall and a comfy looking couch to the side. The place would look rather sophisticated, Sasuke thought, were it not for the empty ramen packets on the couch and glaringly obvious _orange _attempts at décor. An orange replication of Andy Warhol's Campbell Soup painting was _not _nice. In fact, it offended all reason. He was just about to turn around to tell Naruto what a tasteful painting it was (hey, a white lie never hurt anyone, especially when merging two of the most powerful transnational companies in the world), when he realised the blond was inches from him.

" Huwaaha." He stuttered out as he stumbled backwards. Then cringed as he realised what the hell just came out of his mouth. Naruto, for his part, was struggling not to laugh.

After another tense moment, Naruto just let it go, and laughed himself silly. " Hahaha...your _face_...hahahaha..."

Sasuke glared. But, alas, Naruto was not a spider, and it had no effect. Or maybe the blond was just oblivious to obvious murderous intent. " Look, idiot, I've come here - "

" Not yet you haven't." Naruto muttered.

Sasuke talked over him. " - to tell you that our relationship from now on is strictly professional."

Naruto blinked. " Professional?" A glint came into his eyes.

Sasuke nodded, thankful that the blond hadn't made some kind of lewd joke or, worse, tried to 'persuade' him otherwise. He think he remembered that was how he had ended up on bottom that one night, a lot of 'persuasion' involving flicks of the tongue and maddeningly slow hands. But that could have been a dream.

" As in, I pay you money and you do what I want?" There was an inflection in his voice that was seedy and just smacked of Roxanne and the Red Light District.

Sasuke just stared.

" Sasuke?" The blond was bouncing on the balls of his feet, a dirty grin on his lips. " Sasuke, Sasuke? Is that what you mean? 'Cause you know, I have a bit of cash in my - "

The brunet lost it. " Are you insinuating that I'm some kind of _prostitute?!_" He seethed, his muscles bunching. Naruto suddenly wondered if he'd done the wrong thing. " That I'd get _down on my hands and knees _and do anything you damn well wanted for _money?! _You _bastard!_" Sasuke had been pressing closer and closer throughout the tirade of rhetorical questions, and suddenly grabbed hold of the lapels of Naruto's suit, shoving him against the nearest wall.

Naruto's lower back jolted and his teeth clacked together. " Unh." _Okay, this was definitely a bad idea. _" Th-that's not what I mean, Sasuke - "

" _You _don't have the _right _to call me by my first name." The brunet was fuming, anger pulsing through his brain and causing a beat to pound in his temples. " _Now. _We are going to sit down, and discuss the compromises for the merge. Okay?" The slight maniacal gleam in Sasuke's eyes told Naruto that he'd better be damn well okay with it. He nodded feebly, held in a sigh of relief as the Uchiha finally let him go and his feet could touch the floor again. _Ah, sweet sweet carpet. How I missed thee..._

* * *

Sakura heard the thumps in the office, winced and decided now was a good time as any to go and see Neji and Tenten. She picked up a folder of documents that Shikamaru needed and ran for the elevator, skipping in just as the door closed. She smiled at the people in there with her, tried to drown out the tinny music with her own thoughts, then walked hurriedly down to the records room. Truthfully, all the sales information should be on computer, but they had never got round to the arduous task. No one had wanted to do the job, inventing excuses that put Kakashi to shame, and so Naruto had decreed the building a non-smoking zone and left them as hard copies. 

The door creaked when she opened it, and rows upon rows of boxes upon boxes stared back at her as if to say 'you will never find your way out of here'. She shuddered. Give her Google any day. She stalked down an aisle, loving the sound her heels made, and hating how the stink of paper messed up the smell of her perfume. It wasn't that she was shallow, she just took a lot of time in making herself look presentable, and hated it when this was messed up. At the moment, her black Armani suit seemed out of place in this room of history, and she couldn't help but feel out of place.

" No...not there..." There was a soft murmur that Sakura's ears, tuned finely after years at an all girls school where gossip was the fare of the day and the only way to pay for lunch, caught easily.

A pant and then, " A little bit to the left." A woman's voice, and terribly familiar. Who was it? Sakura racked her brains as she walked closer to the source of sound.

The booming voice of Neji suddenly broke into Sakura's sleuth-like state. " Is this better?" His voice was slightly strained, from, perhaps, exertion. Sakura stopped cold. _Oh, no..._

" A..ha. Yeah. Th-that's better." _They **wouldn't**...would they?_

" Keep going. That's it. Yeah." _Oh, God, they would!_

There was a sudden bang and a clap of hands, and Neji's voice once again broke into Sakura's guilt laden thoughts. " Yup. That's the last box. Thanks, Tenten."

There was a light slap as Tenten landed on her feet again, the sound echoing in he empty halls of the records' room. " No problem. Mm, now that we've put that last box back, what do you reckon we..." There was a light giggle.

" **_No!_**" Sakura burst around the corner, eyes wide and hands outstretched as though to physically restrain them. The two turned around, surprised.

" Sakura?" Tenten asked, her tone light and enquiring.

" What are you doing here?" Neji's tone was less light, obviously feeling put out.

Sakura took a moment to brush herself down and compose her facial expression. Looking at them with a small smile, she said, " Naruto would like you to please watch out for the cameras this time, as he's still paying for the last guard's counselling." Tenten blushed, and even Neji looked to the side with those freakishly light eyes of his. " Also, we need those sale's records now. Uchiha-sama's upstairs and by the sounds of things, their meeting isn't going...swimmingly..." Sakura trailed off, a worried look on her face. The two onlookers shared an amused look, and then Neji stepped forward.

" Got them here, Sakura. I'll take them up to him now, if you like?"

Sakura was about to nod and say that sounded lovely, but Tenten was giving her the puppy dog eyes and jerking her head to the side a bit. " Uh-uhm. No, no, that's fine, Neji, thank you. I'll take them myself."

Neji looked at her doubtfully, but handed her the big dusty box anyway. Sakura lamented for her Armani suit, and resolved to get Naruto to pay for the dry-cleaning bill. It was his big idea anyway to merge the two companies. There was no benefit that Sakura could see, apart from working together instead of being competitors. Either way, she wasn't looking forward to the change in work ethic and the inevitable job culls. Also, the influction of Chidori's specialised staff. That, most especially, she wasn't looking forward to. What if Naruto found a better secretary than her?

* * *

The brunet was frowning, a pen see-sawing in his fingers. Naruto watched. He'd bet money that Sasuke had never played the piano, but Naruto knew he had the fingers for it. " Dobe, stop staring at me. Listen. We're not giving him up. He's the best damn market research specialist in the country and we had to pry him away from - " 

" Why won't you have sex with me?" He hadn't intended for the question to come out, or sound so genuinely confused, so couldn't blame Sasuke for the look of befuddlement. He also couldn't blame himself for finding it unbearably cute.

" I mean, it's just sex. " Whose voice was this? Why wasn't his brain functioning? He knew what Sasuke would do! His back still hurt! " We could be professional - " And at this Naruto blushed a bit and seemed sheepish, " - and still have sex every now again. I mean, this is a very tense business. Look at the tenseness in your shoulders. Bet some good ole Uzumaki-lovin' would set that straight in no time - "

" Good ole Uzumaki-lovin'?" Sasuke snorted and even managed to make that look elegant. " Oh, please. You weren't that good." He watched as Naruto spluttered for a bit. " Eloquent, dobe, really eloquent."

"Shuttup! I had you moaning and writhing underneath me! Don't you dare tell me I wasn't good! If you'd known my name, you would've called it multiple times!" The blond was outraged. You could insult him, you could insult his hair, hell, you could even insult his company. But no one, _no one_, insulted The Beast.

" Yeah, sure. To be honest, I was frustrated after three months in America and needed to release some tension. You had the basics down, but don't go thinking you're so amazing. There was nothing special." Sasuke was lying, but hell if he'd give the blond idiot the satisfaction of knowing just how much of an effect he'd had on the youngest Uchiha. His mind flashed back to this morning, and he bent his head in a pretence of studying the papers to hide the blush.

" What?! Maybe you don't remember, 'cause you were so drunk, but I was amazing. I _am _amazing. This is obviously just crying out for some sober sex, right here, right now."

" Never going to happen, Uzumaki."

" Wanna bet?"

" I'll bet this guy that you'll never get me in bed again."

" Deal!" They stood up, shook on it, and at the look in Naruto's eyes Sasuke suddenly doubted himself. Then he was pulled forwards, and with an inelegant stumble where his legs connected with the front of his desk and his torso leant at an ugly angle, he fell toward Naruto. Luckily, Naruto's lips caught him. Well, caught his lips anyway.

Sasuke scowled and was about to pull away when the smoked glass door opened, and Sakura walked in, a dusty box in her hands. It fell to the floor with a thump. Three consecutive thoughts resounded in the room. _Oh shit._

* * *

**A/N: **And so the plot unravels. You know, I was _this _close to calling Naruto's little man 'Kyuubi' but then I thought, yeah, Naruto's a beast in bed, but I doubt he's a nine-tailed fox demon. So I just called it the Beast. Any other names for Naruto's little friend are more than welcome. This is 3034 words, so longer than the last. The chapters might get longer as I get deeper into the plot. The plot doesn't really want to reveal itself to me at the present moment though, so, you know... 

By the way...thank you for the reviews. you're all rather **awesome.** And all the story alerts in the first six hours...Pure squee.


	3. Ploy One Woo Him

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto. You should know the deal by now.

Okies, before we get onto the big loverly dish of _Tension _that I've yet to write (yupyup, I am a naughty, lazy person) there's probably some terminology and things you might want to read. It's cool if you don't, it's only a little bit about business. Usually, I'd leave it up to the audience to interpret things as they will, but since I intend to use some terminology and I'd rather have you actually understanding what I'm saying...Here we go.

**Transnational Companies** are companies like Pepsi, Cola, Nike...They not only trade internationally but they also have workshops in different countries. For example, as mentioned before in chapter two of Tension, Rasengan has a factory in Uganda. So, if we want to be really blunt about it, even the hermit in the darkest corner of the darkest country in the world (here's lookin' at you, Russia) will have heard of Rasengan or Chidori. All good so far? Also, a lot of these companies are relocating to the UK because we offer them loverly lots of monies to settle in areas where there's high unemployment. It's a win-win situation.

**NICs** are countries that have only recently started industrialising, and are industrialising at an incredible rate. The _main_ NICs are the Tiger Economies. These include all the Asian countries that have expanded into the secondary and tertiary industries. So Taiwan, South Korea, Japan...(though truly Japan reached civilisation before everyone and just kicked back and relaxed the next few centuries. This is my theory as to why they're so eccentric and why it's the only country in the world where you can be thirty years old and walk into work with a Miffy lunchbox without attracting strange looks. We love you, Japan). I mention these because these will be Chidori's and Rasengan's main competitors.

Some of you may be wondering why China wasn't included in the list of Tiger Economies. Frankly, it's too early (think about it. It's only been happening for four years, noticeably. Not that we'd know for sure since they won't release the figures) _and _the industry is developing differently and more rapidly.

Anyway, South Korea and their companies like Samsung and Daewoo will probably be mentioned more than once as these would be the main competitors for the beastly corporations that Naruto and the Uchiha's run. Samsung will also be my blueprint as to how Chidori is run, as South Korea took their blueprint for the economy from Japan, I know Samsung's companies well, and Japanese companies were shockingly similar to this up until a couple years back. Any questions?

No? Onto the story, then.

* * *

It hadn't been easy trying to convince Sakura that he was just trying to get something out of Sasuke's eye.

_" Honestly, Sakura, he had something there and I was just being the good future business partner and - "_

_" Sticking your tongue down his throat? I fail to see how the hell that would get something out of his **eye**! I mean, I know you're not the brightest crayon in the box, but even you can see they're at totally opposite ends of the face!"_

And Sasuke hadn't exactly helped either, being a complete and utter bastard in that bastardy way of his. The bastard.

_Sasuke widened his eyes and put on his best Shocked Innocent voice. " 'Getting something out of my eye'? That's not what you were calling it earlier...I thought I was all lined up for some good ole Uzumaki-lovin'. You told me you were going to ruin me for all women, business protocol be damned." He raised his hands to Sakura. " I tried to stop him, I did, but he just wasn't taking no for an answer."_

Damn, Sasuke, making him out to be the bad guy...It wasn't all him! Well, it was, sort of, but Sasuke had been almost flirting with him, sitting there with his crisp white shirt rolled up to his elbows, just radiating pure sexuality which wasn't damn well helped by the 'Hands Off' sign on his head, and oh...Naruto had always been bad about things he couldn't have. And he'd looked so damn deliciously surprised when Naruto had yanked him over the desk, his body bent at an angle that sent dirty thoughts running rampant through his already filthy mind.

Naruto moaned and hit his head on the table, causing Sasuke to glance over at him in annoyance. They'd been working silently for fifteen minutes and frankly Sasuke was glad for the break of constant come-ons he'd had to endure since Sakura - he _thought _that was what the pink-haired girl's name was - had banished them to a nearby conference room with glass walls so she could keep on an eye on her 'octopus of a boss' who 'clearly hadn't grown out of the teenage hormones'. Another groan erupted from the blond's mouth as he lay face down in the papers. Sasuke twitched. He wasn't going to get his attention, he damn well _wasn't_. Another groan flew up into the air around them, and went on so long Sasuke had to check that Naruto was still breathing and his lips hadn't turned blue. Of course, since Naruto's head was in the papers...Sasuke smirked.

" _Ow!_" The blond rubbed his head where his scalp still ached from the random hair pulling, and glared his best glare at the Uchiha. Sasuke just gave him a look of mild disgust - he was an Uchiha. Naruto's best glare was equal to a look of love and affection in his family. " What the hell are you doing, bastard?"

" Checking if you were breathing. And look at that, so you are. Too bad, so sad." His tone changed from light and airy to serious and level in such a quick moment, Sasuke wondered if he was channelling Itachi. " Get to work." He paused and decided to pay Naruto back for the 'bastard' comment. " Dobe."

Naruto glared and wielded his index finger in a passable imitation of the Finger of Righteousness. " I am not a dobe, you...you...you!"

There was an awkward silence as Naruto's angered breathing evened out and Sasuke's eyebrow inched ever closer to the heavens.

" Ouch. That hurt. Excuse me while I go cry in a corner." Sasuke kept his eyes on Naruto, not moving from his spot one jot. The deadpan tone made Naruto narrow his eyes. The whiskers on his face scrunched up, and Sasuke found himself in mind of a fox.

" You know what _will _hurt, Sasuke-bastard? When I win the bet and fire your oh-so cool market researcher man-thing. Yeah. Suck on that, Mr Uchiha." Naruto looked smug and linked his arms behind his head.

" To do that you'd have to somehow get me back into bed, and I don't see that happening. At all. Ever." Sasuke's voice was firm as he placed the papers in his hands on the desk with a decisive thump.

" Oh yeah? Pshaw." Sasuke wondered at how well Naruto vocalised this word. He had been sure it was solely an onomatopoeia. " I'd have you bent over this desk right now if it wasn't for the fact that Sakura could see us."

To distract his mind from the oh-so tempting mental image Naruto's crude words conjured up, Sasuke said, " If you didn't like it, why did you let her move us?" He frowned. " She has too much influence over you."

Naruto's eyes widened and his arms dropped. " That's right! You haven't been the victim of it yet!"

" The victim of what, dobe?" Sasuke asked wearily after a few moments of expectant silence. Really. The blond was too overdramatic for his own good. And Sasuke's, for that matter.

" The Finger of Righteousness!" Sasuke thought the blond probably wanted a drum roll after that explosive statement. Instead he sat there and did the thing he knew would make Naruto angry - he pasted on a bored countenance and turned back to his work.

" Oi! Oi, Sasuke! Damnit, look interested!"

Sasuke ignored his soon-to-be-colleague. After much limb flailage, 'Oi Sasuke!'s, 'Pay attention to me, you damned princess!'s and pretty little pouts, Naruto relinquished his hold on the one-sided conversation and flopped facedown into his paperwork once more. Ten minutes later, when another groan reverberated through the desk, Sasuke contemplated homicide via paper cuts.

* * *

**Ploy One - Woo Him**

Sasuke watched with lazy eyes as condensation fell from the whisky glass resting on his naked chest, revelled in the cold touch as the droplet of water landed. He shifted a little and his toe dragged along the arm of the black leather sofa. The arm behind his head was growing numb, but Placebo were placing him in that near-reverie state and he didn't want to stop, didn't want to stop just _being, _so ignored the discomfort and let his eyelids flutter close.

Itachi had left for England yesterday, had forced Sasuke to come to the airport with him and then proceeded to make a scene with much crocodile tears, loud exclamations and fingers pointing at Sasuke while Itachi told the whole airport that his 'dear little otouto' was gay. '_Gay_!'. Sasuke shifted again on the couch, fighting back the feeling the memory left in his stomach. _Pierrot the Clown _came on shuffle, and Sasuke clenched his eyes shut and tried not to think.

The doorbell rang. Sasuke ignored it. It rang again. And again. And again. After coming to the conclusion that someone was leaning on his doorbell, Sasuke jumped up from the couch, knocked the whisky to the floor where it hurriedly stained the white throw rug, cursed violently about Itachi, Naruto, the world in general, stomped over to the door in the manner of an angry child whose Barbies had just been taken away, and flung open the door.

Flowers greeted him. Bright pink lollipop lilies, baby's breath, white roses and god knows what else jiggled slightly in their tissue paper cage. Sasuke blinked. The flowers nudged themselves closer to him and Sasuke could only watch in morbid fascination as they attempted to bully him into accepting them. It was when the baby's breath scratched his chest that his patience snapped and he took the flowers with all the grace of a starving dog seizing a bone.

" What the hell do you...Naruto?" Sasuke stared at the blond standing in his doorway. Blue jeans, a v-necked black sweater, a sheepish smile. Sasuke couldn't deny that the dobe looked good. Damn good. Naruto seemed to think the same of Sasuke, if the glazed expression was anything to go by. Sasuke suddenly remembered his state of undress - he was wearing Levi's, and _just _Levi's. He sighed.

" Oi. Dobe." Smirking at the way the blond's head snapped up with a scowl, Sasuke continued. " What's the deal with the flowers? I know you're gay, but when did you become a girl?"

" Shuttup." The blond scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. " And anyway, if this was a heterosexual relationship, _you_'d be the girl. I'm wooing you."

Sasuke blinked a couple times, and was about to reply with an angry retort along the lines of 'I'm not a girl, damnit!' when he sneezed. And again.And then again. Sasuke glared at the flowers. With a stomping progress to rival that of earlier, he traveled to the kitchen and dumped the flowers in the bin. A spiteful twig of baby's breath scatched his chin. _Touché, flower, touché._

" You allergic to flowers, Uchiha?" Sasuke tried his hardest not to jump as the voice resounded behind him. It was the only indicator that the blond had followed him into his apartment.

" Who invited you in, dobe? You're meant to be invited first."

" That's vampires, bastard." He winced as Sasuke sneezed again. " Allergic to flowers?" Another sneeze and a watery glare confirmed his suspicions.

" Oh."

" Yeah. Oh." Sasuke's voice radiated 'not impressed' vibes so much, Naruto almost felt sick from the intensity.

" Guess...Guess I won't be getting any tonight then, huh?" Sasuke blinked at the hopeful voice, frowned, scowled and then bodily forced the blond out of his apartment.

" W-Wait, Sasuke! Wait! I'll let you top! I'll kiss you goodnight! Wait!_Give me your body_!" Sasuke closed the door on the blond and cursed everything, anything and the man-thing. Then he went to have a cold shower. 

* * *

There was the warm murmur of colleagues chatting in the little kitchen on the executive floor. A girl with her hair pulled up in a butterfly clip picked up a bagel and bit into it with whitened teeth. Her friend exclaimed in a mute manner and then made some wild gestures with her hands that would rival Naruto for the sheer range of emotions conveyed. Sasuke wondered why they weren't doing work. Shrugging (the company wasn't his, yet), he poured himself a cup of coffee.

He'd managed to escape the zealots that Itachi called PAs and Sasuke called harlots. To be quite honest, the group of perfumed, lip-glossed and skirt-suited women scared the hell out of the younger Uchiha. They were like an Armani army, coming to his rescue at the most inconvenient times, always ready with a range of beverages and snacks, ready to fend off the perils of feeling peckish for a few seconds or, god forbid, having to _get his own coffee_. Sasuke was spoiled. He knew this. But damnit, he wasn't so spoilt he couldn't work a Mr. Coffee machine! He just knew Itachi hired the ones that fainted at the sight of him...

The brunet sighed, gathered the courage to go face another round of 'Sasuke-sama!'s and turned around. " Hnuf!" Sasuke heard escape his own lips as a box of chocolates (vindictively positioned so that he'd see them when he turned around) attempted to give him a coronary via surprise attack. Sasuke removed the hand that had somehow found its way to his chest, and glared at the box. If there was any justice in the world, the box would burst into flames and burn. _Burn._

" That is one hell of a scary look on your face, Sasuke." The blond's overly cheerful voice made Sasuke cringe and remove his smouldering (in all the wrong ways) eyes from the elaborately decorated box to their holder. " Woah. What the hell happened to your face? You look like a bundle of bees attacked your chin. I mean...eeww...is that _pus? _You should get that treated you know. And why is it so shiny? That's just not normal. A bundle of bee stings shouldn't be shiny. Should they? I wouldn't know, I've never really been stung by a bee, but a wasp once _swooped _down out of nowhere and stung my little toe. I couldn't walk for days! It was pure _agony_!"

Somewhere in the middle of this tirade, Sasuke's eyebrows had started twitching to a beat that even he couldn't hear. " You idiotic moron!"

" Double negative there. Watch it, soon you'll be calling me honey and asking if you can massage my feet."

Ignoring the blond's comments, Sasuke gritted out through clenched teeth. " I'm allergic to flowers. Especially your flowers. The same flowers that brutally assaulted me!" A finger came out of nowhere and pointed at his chin. The sheer amount of righteousness in that finger made Naruto see pink for a moment and when he came out of his hallucination, he pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Because, correct him if he was wrong, but wasn't Sasuke ranting? " I look like I have three bloody chins, each one more pimply and acne-fied than the rest! My doctor told me there was nothing she could do, except perhaps kiss it better! _Kiss it better_! What the hell_ is_ this, a booboo? No! This is a travesty! A tragedy! This is a most heinous crime for which you, _Uzumaki Naruto_, will pay. Do you know how much this face is worth? A hell of a lot, I assure you! Alabaster skin does not come cheap! And as for the shine? That's the damn medicine! I look like I stuck my fingers in some lube and smeared it over my mouth! I might as well have a sign saying 'easy access' right here!" The finger jutted once more at the brunet's chin.

The sudden explosion was the signal for the sudden departure of the girls who up until now had been merrily chatting away about how Ren just wasn't good enough for Sabrina and besides, hadn't she put on weight? Naruto stared. Sasuke's cheeks were flushed, his chin did indeed look all kinds of monstrous, and his shoulders heaved underneath the expensive Italian suit. Naruto was a little bit nervous.

" Uhm...I bought you chocolates?" His voice was meek.

" No, dobe, your PA bought me chocolates. You just delivered them." Sasuke's voice was controlled anger.

" Well, I...had to go down five flights of stairs to find you..."

" I'm on the same floor as your office!"

" I thought you were using the toilets below us!"

There was an awkward silence and Sasuke examined the floor. With a stiff voice, back and upper lip where his beauty was concerned, Sasuke spoke. " I don't like sweet things."

Naruto glanced at the chocolates in his hands, back to Sasuke, and then around in honest befuddlement. As Naruto left the warm surroundings, muttering things like 'abnormal', 'rant' and 'damn stupid hair' under his breath, Sasuke sighed and leant back against the counter.

The blond was taking this bet way too seriously.

* * *

The second hand clock kept a constant tempo in the cool room. Black sheets glided over pale limbs and Sasuke's eyes fluttered open. A frown flitted across his brow and his lips twisted into a tired pout. What the hell had woken him up? He groaned, stretched his arms in a feline manner, then stopped as 'when the moon hit you eye like a big pizza pie...That's amore!' was bellowed out.

Sasuke was frozen.

Now, he was all for writing this off as some kind of flora-induced hallucination, or perhaps the last remnants of a dream hanging onto his consciousness. But, and he rolled his eyes here, his intuition was telling him something else was afoot. His _manly _intuition. So he padded, naked as the day he was born because hell if _Sasuke_ was going to sleep in PJs like some commoner, across the cool floorboards and over to his wall length window. And stared. Naruto was standing with a bundle of Italian impersonators as they belched out 'That's Amore' for all the world to hear.

Suddenly, Naruto had hold of the microphone. " Sasuke, let's make babies!" Sasuke sighed. Not only was that biologically impossible, Sasuke could only imagine what their kids would look like. Besides, he thought he could detect a slight slur in his speech. Great. Naruto was drunk. Well, hell if he was going to do anything about it. He needed his beauty sleep. This chin wasn't going to heal itself.

'When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool...That's amore.'

Sasuke sighed, clambered into bed, and tried to sleep. When the phone rang ten minutes later, asking him if he knew the 'young gentleman' who was 'causing a ruckus' outside his apartment complex, Sasuke vehemently denied it in a sleepy growl worthy of a lion just woken from his midday nap by a troublesome cub.

It was only when flashing blue and red lights danced on his cream walls and yells that were distinctly Naruto's resounded in the street, that Sasuke realised the implications of his actions.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh yes. I am teh smex. I have the next seven chapters all planned out! Whoop! Anyway, it's approaching one in the morning and I had a busy day today...so if the plot isn't entirely coherent, bear with it and I'll (hopefully) get around to it soon.

Yup, the last chapter wasn't up to scratch...and I kind of doubt this one too, but I should be on top form soon! Hopefully. 26 days left at school. Got me a little bit scared.

Anyway, please review...All those lovely ladies and that rather awesome lad who alerted/faved this story...please give me feedback? Even if it's only to say 'you're amazing'. Hell, _especially _if it's to say 'you're amazing'.

**EDITTED: **Yeah, sorry 'bout those horrible typos you all put up with. I adore you for doing so. I'm not entirely sure what happened, because some of the letters in the Doc Manager had changed into symbols like and ¬ and the html for some italics was screwed up, too...If you have any idea how to help, please, do so? Also, anon. reviews can now be submitted.


	4. Ploy Two Flirt

**Disclaimer: **Naruto ain't mine, and he never will be. If I ever do get the rights, I'll give them to my first ever reviewer (yuhuh, that's you, NaruSasuNarulover) and then continue writing these silly little ficlet things that have influenced my life way too much.

Warning - There is extreme use of italics in this chapter. We love those typographical effects, oh yes, we do.

**_Dedicated to purplemonkeyfeathers._**

* * *

Naruto was having a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day. And the worst thing? There was no ramen.

" But why is the _ramen_ gone?" He wailed in despair, his arms crossed over his head and his mouth worked into a petulant pout. It was only half nine in the morning, and his cup of coffee was sitting on the side of his desk, steaming in such an innocent manner that Naruto wanted to take a hammer to it. A big hammer.

" Because you got arrested! You spent the night in _jail_! And the sooner you realise that you have responsibilities now, the better!" Sakura stood with her arms folded across the front of her expensive-looking suit, the Finger of Righteousness folded in with the other fingers that Naruto had yet to name. A frown was marring her pretty little face, and Sai was sitting on a couch, leaning languidly and sucking on a cigarette in the manner of a man who has all the time in the world.

" I know I have responsibilities!" He glared at Sai, who raised a hand in defence.

" Really? _Really? _And what part of those responsibilities made you think that _serenading Sasuke and disturbing the entire neighbourhood _was a good idea? No really. Which part? The same part that says putting your finger in a flame is a fun thing to do?" And she was away, ranting as though oxygen wasn't something humans needed in order to survive. Sometimes Naruto wondered if Sakura wasn't actually a cyborg, sent down from some mysterious planet to make sure he had no fun and take away his ramen.

It wasn't his fault, really it wasn't. It had seemed like a good idea in his head, and he'd seen it work in movies. He'd pictured Sasuke swooping down his apartment stairs in only his Levi's again, or maybe a silk robe (he was pretty sure he'd seen one, hanging up behind the bathroom door) with little hearts floating around his head and his lips a-pucker. And okay, so maybe 'Amore' hadn't been the best song to pick. And just _maybe _he shouldn't have tried to resist arrest when the cops came. But _Sasuke _in _silk_. It was something wet dreams were made of. And Naruto knew this to be fact. He was just lucky Sai had been at the hotel when he'd called, asking (asking_ not_ begging) for bail money. If only Sai hadn't immediately called Sakura afterwards...

" But Sakura-chan! It was part of my Great Master Plan!" Sai rolled his eyes. He'd already heard this, on the way back from the police station - which had been an ordeal in itself, with the way Naruto switched between being an angry adult to a petulant kid.

" I'm going to get a cup of tea." He said, knowing the two wouldn't hear him anyway.

Sakura's eyes were narrowed dangerously. " Your what?" Her fingers were drumming warningly on her arm, but Naruto took no notice.

His arms in the air, a wide grin on his face, he proclaimed, " My Great Master Plan! Completely worthy of the capital letters in the middle of a sentence!"

" Nothing is worth that!"

" Yes it is! This is my Plan to get Sasuke into bed!" Naruto added a saucy wink for effect. Sakura was less than impressed. She sank down into the chair opposite Naruto, and looked across his desk at her boss.

" So you serenade him? What, are you crazy? How in the world is that going to get you anything but a restraining order?" She asked, incredulity colouring her tone and her cheeks.

Naruto paled suddenly, his arms sinking back down to his waist. " He hasn't got one of those, has he?"

" Nope, but I'm sure it's only because he has to merge these companies. Otherwise, you wouldn't be allowed within five feet of him." Her voice was matter-of-fact, but Naruto's eyes still seemed impossibly wide and hurt. She began to feel guilty. He hugged himself and whimpered, muttering something about 'The Beast' that Sakura didn't catch.

" Look, why don't you just flirt with him? I'm sure he'd be more responsive to that than a group of bad Italian impersonators and a drunk colleague-to-be." She explained softly. Naruto's whole demeanour seemed to change as he took in this idea.

" Yosh!" He exclaimed, jumping to his feet and punching the air. " Ploy Number Two - Flirt With Sasuke Uchiha And Have Him Begging For More!" Sakura clapped politely. Sai walked in, closing the door behind him. The tea in his hand was steaming so innocently that Naruto's coffee seemed like a dirty slut. Naruto smirked, and then noticed that Sai's smile seemed a little strained.

" Something wrong, Sai?" The blond asked, worrying causing his arm to fall loosely by his side.

" Are there usually leprechauns with a fetish for emphasis running loose around your building?" Sakura despaired.

* * *

**Ploy Two - Flirt With Sasuke and Have Him Begging for More**

Sasuke was having a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day. And the worst thing? His PAs had doubled in number.

Firstly, he hadn't had his usual eight hours of sleep, because of the stupid blond dobe singing some stupid Italian song that he didn't even understand. Secondly, he'd woken up feeling incredibly guilty because his last memory was of flashing blue lights and a familiar voice shouting, 'You won't take me alive!'. Thirdly, his brother had then called up and played a song that started with 'if you were gay' and made Sasuke contemplate fratricide. Sasuke paused in his internal ranting. _What comes after thirdly? Fourthly? Nevermind. _And then he had strolled into work and been besieged by a group of girls that truly deserved the name Fangirls but somehow ended up with Personal Assistants instead (with a hefty salary on top).

So, really, it was perfectly understandable for him to punch at the keyboard as though it had just stolen a bottle of his favourite bourbon and was never going to give it back. _Ha! Take that, 'y' key! And that, space bar! _Truly though, the repeated killing of the keyboard was all very vital as he had to organise interviews and type up his reports and various other duties that really should be a PA's or secretary's job, but that he just didn't trust in hands that had fingers with better manicures than his. And no. It was not a case of nail-envy.

He sighed, squinted through his glasses at the screen, and started rustling through the sheets on his desk to find a piece of paper. His door opened. He ignored it. A waft of something masculine, familiar and drool inducing made him look up sharply. Naruto stood in his doorway, a contemplative look trained on Sasuke's face. Well, more specifically, on his glasses. Sasuke straightened them self-consciously.

The blond sauntered, and _yes _Sasuke was damn sure it was a saunter, over to him smiling in what Sasuke could only imagine was a flirtatious way. The brunet watched as Naruto coquettishly perched himself on the edge of the desk, and then, with a weary expression, watched as several sheaves of paper fell to the carpeted floor. He sighed.

" Ino! Ino, come clear this up!" A blonde girl with legs up to her ears smiled at Naruto as she appeared out of nowhere. Naruto smiled back, and then focussed his attention completely on the man behind the desk. For some reason, Harry Potter flashed to Naruto's mind, and he struggled to stop comparing the fictional teenage wizard with the very real man in front of him. The very real man who was staring at him. Sternly. Naruto had a hot flash as several teacher-student fantasies sprung to mind.

" What are you doing here, dobe?" His voice was cool, full of authority and didn't help Naruto's little problem at all.

" Just...dropping by..." Naruto hoped his voice was low and sultry.

Sasuke frowned. " Ino! Get Uzumaki-san here a cough sweet. He seems to have a sore throat."

Naruto backtracked. " So. Sasuke, how are you?" He raised an eyebrow in what seemed a sexy way, but in reality just looked plain ridiculous. And besides, Sasuke didn't see it anyway, as he was leafing through the papers that Ino had hurriedly deposited on his desk (with an ample amount of cleavage and a sexy little smile thrown in for good measure).

" I'm busy." The answer was short. Curt. Almost sharp. Naruto tried not to wince.

" Really? Well, I'm fine. Had a bit of a problem last night." Naruto's eyes implored him to inquire as to why. Sasuke's eyes, however, were trained on the computer screen as he sat down in his chair with a slight creak.

" Couldn't get it up? Don't worry, Naruto, they say it's a regular problem in men of your calibre." His voice was absent, his concentration apparently completely on whatever was on the screen. Naruto felt intensely jealous for a second, then flushed darkly.

" Uh. No. I'm saving myself for you, naturally." He answered, somewhat awkwardly. He hoped he'd saved it at the end. This flirting was harder than he thought - everyone else made it seem so easy!

" Gonna have a big case of blue balls, then, aren't you?" Sasuke remarked mildly, pounding away at the keyboard. He was doing a remarkable job of keeping his temper in check, he thought, but if the blond kept...doing whatever it was he was doing...he would flip. He was being even more idiotic than usual. Naruto gaped for a bit, before shifting on the desk. Time for the big guns.

" Ne, Sasuke..." Naruto had been meaning to ask 'ever had sex on a desk before' when something cold touched his hand and his mind flashbacked to how cold the cell was last night. " Why the hell did you let the cops take me last night? Do you know how cold I was? There weren't only blue balls, _everything _was blue. And all because you have a stick rammed up that perfectly-toned arse of yours!"

Sasuke paused. " Naruto, I - "

" And if that isn't enough, damn Sakura has taken away my ramen until I can show proper adult behaviour! I mean, that's not fair! I love my ramen. Ramen is my life." Sasuke watched, slightly disturbed as a faraway, lustful look stole over Naruto's face. His eyes suddenly turned wicked, and he turned to look at Sasuke. Sasuke gulped audibly at the intensity.

" W-well then, I just need to go...there..." Sasuke cursed himself, threw his body out of his plush chair and started walking down the corridor once he'd exited his office. The blond followed, his arms behind his back, his eyes narrowed in his Fox Look.

" Ne, Sasuke, do you like ramen?" Sasuke schooled his face. The dobe's voice was whiny and speculative, not a good mix this early in the morning. He didn't answer.

" I like ramen." Several PAs descended upon Sasuke as he walked towards the publicity department. They chattered incessantly, tugged at his sleeve and glared half-heartedly at Naruto.

" I like ramen a lot." Sasuke tried drowning him out. _Lalala-la, lalaaa...There's a reason I didn't pursue a career in music..._

" I like you too, Sasuke." Naruto seemed slightly puzzled. Sasuke massaged his temples and tried to quell the mounting annoyance that made him want to turn around and take a swing at the blond. Or an Uzi.

" So, so, what do you think? You know what I think?" _Nothing! You think **nothing! **_" I think we should get some take-out ramen, go back to my place, dim the lights and..." Naruto leaned closer, his warm breath fanning Sasuke's neck and causing him to stop without realising. He whispered something in his ear, and it was only through the fog of anger and sudden lust, that Sasuke faintly heard what he said. The warm breath left his neck, and he bemoaned the lack of warmth, before realising what had happened. And that he had just stopped, in the middle of the publicity department's main office.

His fists clenched and he turned around to face a smug-looking Naruto. " Damnit Naruto! No, you will _not _eat ramen off my stomach! My chest is not a fucking dinner plate!" He stalked off down the multitude of desks, ignoring the soft sort of stunned silence that followed his outburst. Naruto looked shocked, his arms still behind his head.

" ..._Why not_?"

The PAs descended.

* * *

Sai was desperately trying to hold his laughter in. Naruto and him were sitting at Ichiraku's, having sneaked away for contraband ramen. Sai thought the all-in-black outfits were a bit excessive, really, and the balaclavas had given Amane quite the fright when they'd first arrived, Naruto humming the theme tune to Mission Impossible. But whatever kept the boss happy.

" And then, and then he just walked off as if I hadn't just had the brainwave of a century and offered mind-blowing and stomach-filling sex! I mean, I mean...am I that bad?" Naruto turned impossibly blue eyes on Sai, and he straightened his face immediately.

He shook his head. " No, Naruto. You're not that bad at all." He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, and smiled softly. " You really want him, then?"

Naruto drummed his fingers on the countertop, three empty bowls rattling beside him. " I...well, it's for the bet, mostly, I mean...He's an arrogant arsehole and..." The blond closed his eyes. " Just a little bit. An eensy bit. Like...this much." He held up two fingers about a centimetre apart. Sai tried not to grin at the childish antics.

" Go and apologise, then. Take him a gift or something." Sai waved his hand airily, wishing there was a cigarette in it. He turned away from the pouting face Naruto made as he tried to think of something good enough for Sasuke. The idea struck him like a ball to a bat, hard and fast. His finger stood to attention and he straightened his back.

" Amane! I'll have two miso ramens to go!"

* * *

" Sasu-chan! I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Sasuke sighed, tried to relax his body with a hefty shot of something clear and alcoholic. He swung his legs over the side of the couch, held the phone in the crook of his neck, and fumbled towards the kitchen.

" Well, you would know, wouldn't you, with all the cameras in this damn place." His voice was icy cold.

" Don't be ridiculous, my adowable homosexual otouto...You make it seem like there are hundreds. There's only five."

"_ Only five_? You're a sick, sick man. You'd better not have any in the bathroom." Sasuke's hands slipped over glasses, until he found a large one at the back. With a creak of metal, he turned the taps on and waited for the water to turn cold.

"Why? Scared I'll see you playing with Mr. Quack Quack?" Itachi's voice was the condescending tone of an adult talking to a child who'd just asked if the world was flat. Sasuke froze.

" I don't know _what _you're talking about."

" Oh, please. You know exactly what I'm talking about." Itachi put on a high falsetto. " Here, Mr Quack Quack, there Mr Quack Qua-" The doorbell rang, and Sasuke thanked all the Gods, Angels and Demons before interrupting his brother.

" Sorry, door just went. See you, bye."

" So cold! Unloved!" A near hysterical mock-sob. Sasuke rolled his eyes. " Oh, fine... Love you, Sasu-chan!" There was the sound of a kiss being blown down the phone and then the dial tone. Sasuke sighed and stared at he receiver as he filled his glass.

" Love you too." The doorbell rang again. The brunet rolled his eyes and padded across floorboards and thick white rugs to his door, placing the phone on a table as he went. Opening it with a sigh so hefty it could have knocked a few trees down, he said, " What?"

Naruto stood before him, a cheesy grin on his face and a bag in his hand that had 'Ichiraku's scrawled across the front. Sasuke levelled him with a deadpan glare, then closed the door. The doorbell rang again. And again. And again. Sasuke growled with irritation, and nearly ripped the door off its hinges as he opened it again. " What, dobe?" His voice was vicious.

" I'm sorry? And I brought a gift to make up for it?" He sounded nervous, and Sasuke realised just how vulnerable the blond appeared to be. Sasuke sighed. He was a mean bastard, sure, but he wouldn't kick a man when he was down.

His shoulders slumped and he opened the door further. With a lazy wave of his hand, he beckoned the blond in. Naruto grinned. " What's in the bag anyway?" Sasuke asked as he followed the blond into his own kitchen. Naruto turned around and smiled a grin that must have ached to pull.

" Ramen!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched, and his arm pointed at the door, ramrod stiff. " Out."

* * *

**A/N: **leaves something to be desired, this chapter, really...Sorry. This should have been out two days ago. My bad. Life just got too damn busy. But I have a job now! Yay! And not so yay for the chapter not being entirely great...but yeah...Better out than not.

Whoops, forgot. Thank you for all those reviews last time - especially those ego-boosting ones. And 5DOOD - You're amazing too, heh. Now I'm gonna be like Oliver and ask for more, please...Feel free to call me a greedy git this time.


	5. Ploy Three Romance

**Disclaimer:** This would be me. Not owning Naruto. I don't actually know who does, truth be told...

So, I did have one thousand and something words written down, but then I got maudlin and wandered off and started reading some fics by some totally awesome STRAIGHT guy (who just has a thing about making gay guys do gay things...hey, everyone's got some quirks, the BL just seems to be addictive), _completely _got inspired and decided this was the best fic to practice writing my crack in. Prepare yourself, bunnies.

* * *

Naruto stood there looking as confused as Bambi when his mother died, and Sasuke wondered if he was just as close to tears. And no, that wasn't sadism working its warm way through his veins, _it wasn't_. Was it? " But why?" His voice was desperation and wonderment, and Sasuke wanted to ram it down that pretty little throat just like he wanted to ram something el - _oh dear God, I did not just almost think that. _Naruto took a step towards him, a kicked puppy expression on his face. " I brought you ramen. _Illegal _ramen. If Sakura knew that I'd brought ramen over to your place, she'd have a hernia on the spot, probably followed by a couple coronaries and then yell at me about being irresponsible and green leprechauns and being late though I can never _ever _help it because sometimes the shampoo just _hides_ from me!" He pouted. Seeing Sasuke's incredulous stare, he blushed and scuffed at the floor with his shoe.

Sasuke wasn't sure what made him give in. Maybe it was the fact that Naruto did the kicked puppy look better than a kicked puppy. Maybe it was because when he stuck out his bottom lip in that way it was all Sasuke could do to stop himself from sucking on it and then wrapping his legs around the blond's waist. Maybe it was because he'd got one over the pink-haired bitch who seemed to rule Naruto. Or maybe it was simply because he understood having to fight every damn day of your life against inanimate objects.

The fax machine hissed.

Mistaking Sasuke's suddenly tensed muscles, the blond forged on. " Please? You can even...you can even have my half of the ramen..." Naruto said, hanging his head slightly so that his bangs covered his eyes. Sasuke decided he didn't like not seeing Naruto's eyes. He snorted.

" Don't be stupid. Come into the kitchen, I'll show you where the dishes are." He walked ahead of Naruto and pretended not to notice the little victory dance Naruto did behind him. Really, he was just too damn soft, these days. Though he was sure Naruto could solve that problem.

Dishing up the ramen was hell. Despite having so much money he could bathe in it, Sasuke had bought the apartment for the view and not the kitchen. Besides he was hardly ever here, and when he was, he lived on business lunches and convenience store food, with the occasional take away. Therefore, the kitchen was tiny. They had to wind and wiggle around each other to get the plates, bowls and chopsticks, and the greasy smell of the ramen coupled with the musky scent of Naruto gave Sasuke the beginnings of a headache and only served to intensify the wisps of arousal that floated just below his navel. He made an excuse quickly and hurried to the bathroom.

He gave himself a quick pep talk about how annoying Naruto was, despite how civilised he was suddenly acting, and how Uchihas had much more dignity than he was displaying at the moment. Uchihas were good at denying themselves things, he should uphold the family traditions.

It was times like this that Sasuke wondered whether the Uchiha family name was really a burden to be proud of, and if that inbreeding hadn't done a little bit of damage to the psyche. He splashed his face with cool water.

* * *

When Sasuke had made some garbled noise and hurried off to some room or another, Naruto had breathed a sigh of relief. Having the brunet so close and being unable to touch was making his insides writhe uncomfortably. It wasn't butterflies he could feel, it was more like a thousand caterpillars, having a frenzied all-you-can-eat on his stomach lining.

However, being deprived of Sasuke-sex for a while now, his brain was able to hone in quickly on things that could lead to more Sasuke-sex, and Naruto was not about to deny the Beast any longer. He was alone, in Sasuke's apartment, with one hell of a view and a meal for two. There couldn't be a better set up. It was almost as if there was some magnificent god out there, smiling down on them and helping them along.

He moved out into the living room/dining room area and grinned evilly.

**Ploy Three - Romance Your Way Into His Pants**

* * *

Sasuke walked into the living room and couldn't stop his confusion broadcasting itself via his face. He tilted his head and shoved his hands in his pockets, the denim material rasping against his hands. What the hell was the dobe doing? Or had done, really.

Candles flickered on a small table that Sasuke swore he hadn't had before tonight. Soft music played out from his expensive sound system, the only electrical device that didn't completely hate him, and he wondered how the blond had managed to work it without breaking it. Running a hand through his hair and carelessly ruffling the spikes at the back, he sauntered closer to the scene that looked like it had been plucked straight out of one of those cheesy 1960's chick flicks. A blond head appeared from under the tablecloth and blue eyes blinked when they saw Sasuke. Naruto smiled. Sasuke wondered where the rest of his body was.

" Hey, you." Sasuke pondered that if Naruto had just said those two words instead of all the ridiculous flirting he'd subjected both of them to, he would've moved in within the week. And then he mentally facepalmed at the thought of moving into Naruto's. The décor alone should have been enough of a mental deterrent.

He lifted a corner of his lips, and watched impassively as Naruto crawled out from under the table and straightened up. He brushed his knees and then looked Sasuke in the eyes, a sheepish expression and the tiniest of blushes on his face. At least, Sasuke thought it was a sheepish expression and tiny blush. With all the dim lighting, he couldn't really be sure. Naruto could be pulling faces, rolling his eyes, and blowing a raspberry and the only thing that would give him away would be his own hysterical laughter afterwards. Sasuke tried not to sigh.

" What're you doing?" His voice was cold, intentionally so. He'd found that a cold voice was almost as effective as a cold shower, when someone else was getting too carried away. He tried not to blink when it didn't work on Naruto.

The blond's smile widened into a grin. " Just setting the table."

" Dobe. There are flowers and candles. And origami swans made out of napkins." His expression was deadpan.

" Isn't it so much more subtle than a post-it note saying, 'screw me'?" Naruto laughed, and the grin didn't leave his face when he spoke again. " Nah, I'm kidding. This is just what it is...a meal between two friends. I just saw the candles and flowers and thought, why not?" Sasuke gave him a look that read yeah-right-'cause-I'm-that-dumb-and-like-hell-do-I-have-random-flowers-and-candles-lying-around.

He sighed, and pointed at his chin. " I'm allergic to flowers, remember?" Naruto blushed, and this time Sasuke could hear it in his voice.

" They're not real." But Sasuke was too busy wondering when he'd learned how to interpret all the subtle nuances of Naruto's voice. With him, it was to be expected, because in order to communicate at all with Sasuke, you had to learn the tricks. But Naruto? He broadcasted his emotions as freely as shoe shops broadcasted sales. Sasuke, on the other hand, broadcasted about as well as China broadcasted their industrial figures. Which they didn't.

He moved towards the kitchen, the tiles cool against his feet. " Whatever. Come get your bowl." His hands were warm from the bowl of ramen, and his feet were cold. It must have been doing something to his stomach, because the wisps of lust were playing a game of tiggy with wisps of uncertainty and warmth. He ignored Naruto doing another victory dance behind his back. Turning quickly, he saw Naruto's hands drop suddenly from a pose that looked suspiciously like a pelvic thrust. He decided not to ask. A hand reached behind his back and Naruto scratched the back of head with a grin that made the corners of his eyes crinkle up. He tried to ignore how the wisps of warmth multiplied at the sight.

He sat down at the decorated table and tried not to wince at the music. 'Sexy Love' by Ne-Yo. Naruto's taste in music left something to be desired, but that could be worked o - **no**. No, it couldn't. He set his jaw, and shook his head. He ran through the meeting details for tomorrow in his head and other details that had no Naruto or prolonged contact with the dobe involved. It worked, until the object of those not-thoughts sat down in front of him. He let loose a string of violent curses in his head. Naruto seemed oblivious.

The sat in a textured silence for a moment, with layers of sound built up on each other. The click-click of chopsticks, the spit of the candles as flames hungrily consumed the white wax, the rustle of fabric as they moved and the sound of them eating and sipping their red wine. Sasuke found himself longing for the western style forks and knives, and for straight up vodka that allowed him to be less of an awkward companion. He felt uncomfortable in his skin in this gentle silence with those blue eyes sending long, hot looks his way that he tried his best to ignore.

Honestly. What was the blond trying to do, burn the side of his face off?

For the first time in years, he started a conversation. " You know, if you're trying to romance me, ramen's the wrong way to go." And that's when the evening went to hell in a handbasket.

* * *

Naruto was too busy enjoying the way the candle flames made Sasuke's eyes look smoky to retort properly, so he just sat there. He figured that the less he said, the less stupid he would sound. Plus, this was one of the few times the two of them had been able to just sit and be, and not have something ridiculous or annoying come out of the blue and attack Naruto's chances for Sasuke-sex.

Having garnered no reply, Sasuke continued. " I mean, ramen? Your slurping does nothing for me, and quite frankly, ramen is just..." Naruto was now paying attention. Sasuke? Besmirching his ramen? How very dare he? " Not sexy." And Naruto concentrated not going over there and ramming those words back down that throat, just how he wanted to ram the Be - _no. Bad, bad perverted thoughts._

He placed the chopsticks down and, so concentrated was he on not having perverted thoughts, spoke without any kind of pre-thought. Which had never been too wise a decision for the blond. " Sexy? _Sexy? _How...Ramen is why I give excellent head!" Sasuke started choking, and Naruto absentmindedly patted him on the back, with just a little too much force to be friendly, Sasuke noticed. Naruto picked up the chopsticks again and narrowed the blue eyes at his companion. He gestured with the china chopsticks, stabbing the air for emphasis. " Me and my friends used to have competitions as to who could get the longest noodle down their throat for the longest time, and I always won! Ramen is the reason I can take any size, anywhere! Ramen is the reason you were writhing around on those silk sheets out there. So don't you _dare._ Ramen. Is. Sex-" He emphasised too emphatically with the chopsticks, and knocked the fake flowers into a candle stick. The candles fell over and the fabric of the flowers went up so quickly that Sasuke didn't even realise they were there until later when he saw the charred vase. Sasuke shot up with a shout, and Naruto tried to douse the flames with the liquid in the bottom of his ramen bowl, but the oil only served as a fuel for the flames. He tried to run into the kitchen to get a towel, knocked over Sasuke's glass of wine, and watched in horrified fascination as the flame's shot up and _ate _Sasuke's eyebrows. There was the kind of silence where the world seems to be holding their breath, and then Sasuke moved with jerky movements that said I'm-too-angry-to-even-move-properly-right-now, dampened three tea towels and hurriedly chucked it over the table.

There was an ominous sizzle. It was the only warning before the table fell, and landed on Sasuke's foot. Sasuke's face went so pale, Naruto ran over to check him for injuries before Sasuke managed to gasp, " Stop...groping...'s..._foot!_" Thankfully, Naruto got the message when he saw the table resting quite happily on Sasuke's foot, and used his own feet to push the table off. Sasuke then sank to the floor and Naruto hurriedly scooped him up in his arms. Then he grunted, dropped him again, and swung one of Sasuke's arms around his shoulder.

" Hospital." He said gruffly, and the two hobbled away from the ruined remains of dinner.

They hobbled back five hours later. Naruto felt liked he'd aged five years and now thought he knew what Hell was like. Screaming kids, crack whores and bleeding appendages everywhere! He'd tried to go to a private hospital, but Sasuke, fearing Itachi's not-so subtle jabs, demanded they go to a public one, and then spent the entire car journey glaring at Naruto and wincing every time his foot was jostled. It was odd, but Sasuke's glare was even more menacing without eyebrows. He didn't just look homicidal in the I-will-kill-you-and-no-one-will-know way now, but instead had the I-will-kill-you-then-eat-your-babies-and-then-your-granny-too-for-good-measure-and-THEN-no-one-will-find-out look down to a T. It had sent Naruto into near panic attacks every five minutes or so.

Thankfully, and Naruto looked down at the drowsy man who was leaning against him without any inhibitions, the doctors had given him painkillers that had knocked him straight out. Naruto had to carry him all the way up the stairs and his back was killing him. Sasuke moved so lightly when he was conscious that he hadn't realised how much he actually weighed. It hadn't helped that Sasuke's foot was in a plaster cast and had to be kept away from anything that might jostle it, or that Sasuke's head underneath his chin meant that with every breath, Naruto could smell Sasuke's hair and clean scent, or that Sasuke emitted this warmth that soaked through his shirt and into his skin.

He sighed, and smiled gently. " Come on, Sasuke, only a couple more steps until your bedroom. Don't put too much weight on that foot now. If only they could've given us a wheelchair..."

Sasuke lifted drug-drowsy eyes towards Naruto's face, and Naruto couldn't help thinking he preferred them when they were sharp and focussed. " 'nk you, 'ruto." He settled his head against Naruto's shoulder, and smeared some of the burn cream for his eyebrows onto Naruto's shirt. Naruto sighed, and hefted the man up into his arms, struggling not to take too much pleasure out of something he knew he had caused being an idiot.

It was when he laid Sasuke down in his bed, pulled the covers up to his chin and kissed him on the forehead that he knew he'd gotten too deep.

* * *

There was a kind of empty silence in the flat in the morning. It seemed to be waiting for something to fill it, something with laughter and smiles and stupid little jokes about nothing at all, and random lines of song belted out with no regards to those who actually knew tones and had some kind of musical training. Sasuke ignored the expectant silence with the cool indifference he ignored everything else with. Uchiha's did not get lonely. And their flats most certainly did not get broody.

He smoothed the cream over the red big boils on his chin and fervently hoped that, somewhere underneath, his beautiful chin still remained. He also did the same with his eyebrows, and decided he hated Naruto. With a passion. He tightened the towel around his waist and went to wipe the misty mirror before something stopped his hand. He smirked. With quick nimble fingers he drew a stick figure with unmistakable spiky hair and a label saying 'Naruto'. Sasuke watched with some kind of happiness as the condensation dripped, and ran through the blond's waterbased equivalent of a voodoo doll, causing irreparable damage. Droplets struck right through the body, from the raised arms to the spread apart feet. It was only when the little figure was completely obliterated that Sasuke allowed himself to brush his teeth.

He smiled. Today was going to be a good day. He steadfastly ignored the space where the dinner had taken place, and didn't blink when he found the charred rubbish in the bin, or smile when he saw a little note on a bottle of pills saying, 'take two of me'.

* * *

The shareholders stared at him. He tried a quick efficient smile. A lone PA returned it. Suppressing the urge to sigh, he ordered some papers and tapped them on the desk.

" Like I said before, Kurosaki-san, the new Tiger Economies are taking valuable customers away from us. Korea, especially Samsung, is even taking land in the UK that we need for our developing factories. And the sudden economic growth of China could spell some significant change in Japan's own economy. We're only trying to look after your interests by merging with Rasengan. If it could be avoided, it would, but the effects of the sudden shift in industrial power have already changed Japan somewhat and we're only attempting to move with the times. One of the best attributes of Chidori is our adaptability and flexibility..." And so on and so forth. Sasuke rubbed at his temples and a glass with two aspirin appeared before him. He was suddenly filled with fuzzy love for his brother and PAs, especially as he would have to repeat this five more times in order for Kurosaki-san to understand. Sometimes he wondered why he put up with idiots whose bellies were bigger than their brains.

It was much later when he settled down into his plush, leather chair, taking care with his damaged foot. He found himself sighing as the cricks in his neck sorted themselves out. He flung his glasses to the side and rubbed at his face, carefully avoiding the red area near his mouth and wincing when he forgot and rubbed the place where his eyebrows used to be. Naruto hadn't shown up today, and for this Sasuke was grateful. _Grateful, _damnit. He did not damn well want a blond idiot stalking him everywhere he went (though he did quite like the jealous glances), trying to bed him (though it did make him feel undeniably pretty) and generally making a nuisance of himself (though he could be good company when he just stopped with the Trying to Get Into Your Knickers routine). Besides, he wasn't quite sure how to act after last night.

Ino hovered nervously near him, a stack of papers in her hands that he had to sign. He reluctantly picked up the discarded glasses. They took a while to get back on, and he figured they were just being snooty because he'd thrown them before. His fingers, feeling clumsy, fell back to his lap, and he didn't even attempt to burn a whole through the lenses of the glasses to teach them a lesson. _Let the inanimate objects win every once in a while. _Not that they needed his permission, anyway. He wondered if he should have taken aspirin with the other medication, and then figured he didn't care, because his foot was still throbbing.

" Sasuke-sama, there was a break-in at the dorms at Osaka Bay and some of the girls are demanding compensation." Her voice was dangerously close to his ear as she placed a cup of something warm, steaming and, Sasuke took a deep sniff and almost smiled goofily, _caffeinated. Oh sweet mother of God..._He took a big gulp, winced as it scalded his tongue and mouth and then took another mouthful. Masochism in the name of caffeine? Hell yes.

" Why? They should have locked their doors." He sounded grumpy even to his own ears. The people who lived in the company dorms were well looked after and offered rooms for a fraction of the price they'd be expected to pay in the city. He didn't see what they had to moan about. And maybe his bad night last night was affecting his generosity.

" They're blaming it on an out-of-date alarm system."

Sasuke snorted. " They're all out of date! You can't have an alarm system for five seconds before something better comes out!" He sighed, took another gulp of his drink, and felt suddenly benign. " Whatever. Get me the compensation forms. I'll even hand the damn cheques to the girls themselves."

" Okay, Sasuke-sama. And these need signing as well." He sighed, waved a hand dismissively and waited until she was out of the office before eyeing up the pile. He wondered how long it would burn for if he set it alight. Another cup of coffee was placed on his desk quietly. Sasuke pondered that if she kept supplying him with drinks, he'd probably marry Ino. And then wondered how cheap he truly was.

Naruto was pouting.

Sai stared at him through one of the glass walls, and shifted on his foot. His arm brushed Sakura's. " How long for now?"

" Three hours and...2 minutes. Want it to the second?" Came the response, void of any emotion.

Sai winced. " You're a very diligent secretary." Was his diplomatic response. There was another moment of silence, and then. " So what exactly happened last night, then?"

She shrugged, apparently resigned to the world being as absurd as it possibly could. Sai thought that if the leprechaun with a fetish for emphasis appeared from nowhere, spinning in a pink tutu singing 'God Save the Queen', Sakura's eyebrow would barely twitch. He sighed, and pushed open the glass door, then coughed discretely.

Naruto continued to pout.

Sai coughed again, this time adding some phlegm to the deal.

Naruto's bottom lip jutted out further.

The brunet sighed, rolled his eyes to the heavens, and conceded that was the best kind of welcome he could hope for. He strolled over, sat down in one of the conference chairs, and said good-naturedly, " Does this room feel like a naughty room to you? Whenever you displease the Pink Menace, you're thrown in here. Have you noticed that?" In fact, Sakura had thrown him in here because he was worried about his physical safety and the harm he might do to himself if left alone. This had caused images of Naruto stapling himself to run rampant through his mind, and the consequent facepalming.

He sighed again, and leant back in the chair, ruminating that if he sighed anymore he'd have no breath left to pump Naruto's ego up with. " What happened?"

Something switched on in the blue eyes and Sai watched in fascination as the blond emerged out of the first still, quiet moment he'd ever seen the blond have. And this was with thirteen years of friendship. _An unlucky number of years, actually..._

" I burnt his eyebrows. And broke his foot. I'm stupid. The only thing I have going for me is my pretty looks. I am pretty, right?" He turned big blue eyes on the brunet and Sai had to concede that no, the blond was not pretty. He was manly. With some extra testosterone thrown in there, too, to perhaps make up for the lack of common sense.

" Yeah. So. Uhm. _How?_" And then he spent the next fifteen minutes wishing he hadn't asked. " No, Naruto. I meant, how did you burn his eyebrows and break his foot?" And then spent the next fifteen minutes trying not to laugh. " Well. You actually...care, huh?" Naruto's shoulder slumped so far down, they just became part of his torso. " What're you going to do?"

" I...I have no idea." And they sat in a silence with too many unspoken words.

* * *

**A/N: **You can probably tell I had a big break when I was writing this, mm? Well, anyway. Sorry this is so late. I tried to make it up to you by making it longer. But...mm...prepare for a leetle bit of angst next chapter, mm'kay? Oh, and, also...For those Naruto Sympathisers. Yes, yes, he is trying oh-so very hard, but who's the one getting beat up here? -grin-

Feel free to flame me for being late. I'm going to be really busy the next month and a half, by the way.


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